What is Falling in Love and How Can One Best Prepare For Marriage?

Falling in love is a term that we use when we think we have met the right one, but what does it mean? According to Marriage and Family by Lauer & Lauer, falling in love is put into 4 different types of love:

• Storge- the kind of love found in the affection between parents and their children
• Philia- the love found between friends (warm close relationship)
• Eros- the love found between men and women (includes sexual love)
• Agape- love that is independent of one's feelings for another (to act on behalf of the well-being of someone else, whether you like that person or not)

A lot of people ask, "Well what is the best one to have for our spouse or life partner?" This question is answered in this book. Lauer says that it's best to have all of them into one. There are differnent types of lovers as well. But what I would like to focus on is how success in marriage is predicted by the type of love that is developed in the dating/courting process. My professor, Bro. Williams, is a family therapist and has been for over 15 years now. He has his own practice and teaches on campus to us students as well. He said, that he can predict 85% of the time whether a marriage is going to last or not by the way the couple dated. That is pretty significant! Also, unlike common belief, we also talked about how researchers and therapists have seen that family members and friends are actually the best predictors of your marital success. So it might be wise to listen to them before you make that kind of commitment (I'm just glad that my wife's family loves me haha). We also talked about what dating does to prepare you for marriage. A date for men is defined as:

• Pair off              
• Planned
• Paid for

How do those prepare you for marriage than traditional "hanging out"? Those three aspects of a date helps a man to be able to:

• Protect
• Preside
• Provide

in the future. In hanging out, there's lots of competition and you usually don't get to see the real person. There  are a lot of games played between eachother that give off mixed signals. You are not focused. Dating is the best prep. to marriage-- and according to Lauer, falling in love atleast once with another person before marriage gives you benefits of further commitment with your future spouse and helps you best prepare for marriage.

Same-sex Attraction

Same-sex attraction is something that is becoming more and more common throughout the world. Many people have different opinions on the matter that can lead us to judge those that have it. I learned a lot this last week about what actually makes people turn to their same sex to cope with life that I would like to share so that we can better understand what causes it and how we should act toward those that have it.

Same-sex attraction can start in youth. It can start also after 16 years of marriage. It just depends on how the child or person is treated. For example, when a boy is 4 years old and loves to play with dolls, what are the reactions of the parents or friends of that child? Are they supportive to them to explore? Or are the parents criticizing and banning certain gender-oriented objects from the child to make sure their child isn't different? There are a couple of things that contribute to someone turning out "gay":

• The number of chromosomes the child is born with (variable x)
• Temperament
• Activities or preferences the child likes to engage in: Are they gender typical or are they A typical?
• At this point, the child/adult is excluded, made fun of etc. and comes to a conclusion such as "I am different from boys/girls"
• Then the person experiments with how they feel with their same sex and how they feel around them. For example, when boy 1 comes in contact with the most popular boy in school (boy 2), if boy 1 feels sweaty, nervous around boy 2 then boy 1 usually associates that as being attracted to boy 2 and comes to a conclusion that boy 1 must be gay.
• Finally, the person experiments by sexualizing himself/herself and keeps the notion that he/she is "gay" and uses everything that they have experienced in their past as proof that they were either born that way or have always been that way.

These attributions are critical and must be examined when understanding same sex attraction. If we have fears about our OWN children having such an issue in their lives, we must understand how to handle it.

I am a firm believer in making all people feel loved. "Love the sinner and not the sin" is what Jesus taught. We can help those that are struggling with this by the way we treat them. We must work on the way WE treat them first before we can help anybody else. Let us treat them with love and respect, and with time the Spirit will help them to discover who they are and their own personal purposes that they have in this life.

The Gospel Culture

There are many beliefs and ideas the world has about the family and how it should be defined. Each individual family has unique differences and traits that it takes on to establish their own culture.

This week we talked about the TV station "ABC Family". When this station first opened up, they made a statement that they would not promote anything that was non-family related and uplifting. About 5 years ago, they changed thier motto to "ABC Family: A NEW kind of family". Since then they have promoted TV shows, sitcoms and movies that are completely against the standards of a traditional family. I think that the family, ever since, has had its definition twisted and redefined. Webster dictionary states (for its top definition) that the family is "a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head". As defined by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, the family contains a marriage relationship between a man and a woman. According to Webster's definition, a family can contain any set of individuals: cohabitation and homosexual relationships. We see this definition being wide-spread as the show "Modern Family" has made its big hit on ABC Family. This "Modern Family" contains (as ABC puts it) "one big (straight, gay, multi-cultural, traditional) happy family". Notice how they redefined a "One big happy family" by adding all the words that could define such? 

We are to give up of our false beliefs, traditions and cultures that are contrary to the teachings of Jesus Christ. We are to embrace the "Gospel Culture". For more information on what the "Gospel Culture" is, please read Elder Dallin H. Oak's talk here: https://www.lds.org/ensign/2012/03/the-gospel-culture?lang=eng. Although Christ loves us no matter what, true happiness ONLY comes by keeping his laws and commandments. He has revealed that these newly embraced traditions are false and contrary to His will through modern-day prophets and apostles. For more information on our modern-day prophets and apostles, please visit https://www.lds.org/.

Household size VS. Size of house

This week I learned many interesting things about the family. My teacher told us that the average household size in the 1950's was 6.1 people in a 900 sq. ft. house. In 2000, the average household size was 2.5 people in a 2300 sq. ft. house. I found that very interesting that we are building bigger homes with less children. .5 children! That's not even an average of 1 child in the home!

While I was serving as a full-time missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Honduras (2011), I met a family that lived in a "tin hut": meaning the roof and walls were made of tin. Their floor being cement. The house had to have been the size of the average kitchen. They had a sheet to divide it into 2 rooms. There were the parents and their 13 children that lived in that house, with 2 queen size beds and one couch. They were contacted by the missionaries 2 years before I met them and found peace in their lives and meaning to their big family. That family goes to church every Sunday and every child is not only in school, but goes to seminary or institute along with many of the children having callings in the church as well. They have no car, not much money (as you can tell from the house) and the dad works around 11 hr. days. They always make time for family and are a great example of what we should strive for: faith; faith that we TOO can have a successful family no matter our circumstances.

What has happened to the traditional family?

What kind of trends are coming up through our generation and current society? This was a question that was asked in my class that we were to read about. I found that there were many different trends that are, in reality, AGAINST our nature and tradition that we have built throughout past generations. To name a few:

• Marrying later- Many are marrying around 26 or older
• Cohabitation- The biggest issue in the U.S. According to U.S census, 6.8 MILLION were living in cohabitation.
• Living alone- due to divorce or from marrying later
• Employed mothers- This was a recent development starting from around the 30's and has inclined due to single parenthood. Most mothers are working when their children are under 6 yrs old (which is the most important time for development for the child is).
• Children out of wedlock- 39.5% of children are from unmarried parents.
• Less births- due to delayed births. We are having less births than the natural replacement rate. This can be due to many thinking that they should seek after careers before having a family.
• Premarital Sex- A survey that was taken says that 48% of children have had sex before they had reached high school.

Now, I find it interesting that here we have all of these issues that are destroying the traditional family, but according to another survey, many of these people were surveyed and were asked if they thought family was important. All said yes.

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, all of these issues can be done away by applying the principles that are taught, at an early age. I was given the gospel at the age of 16 which has helped in my marriage so much! I am going to apply many of these principles to my children-- and make sure that my family chain is strong. I am working hard to bring back the principles of the traditional family. I have a great advantage because my wife's minor (one of her clusters) was child development and she learned a lot that she will be able to apply to our children. She has me practice many of these different things like changing diapers, feeding and even giving bath's to our 2 nephews that are up here in Rexburg with us. It is getting me baby hungry. . . but "not until next year" my wife tells me.

Can we change as a society to bring back family values? The answer is yes. How? With the gospel of Jesus Christ. If we know and realize our obligation to God to make a good home for our children and that we will be held accountable for our actions, we will be more likely to fulfill our responsibilities and husband and wife, mother and father. I know that to be true.