Studies have shown that 70% of divorcees, remarried after a couple of years. Now what what interesting is that 70% of divorcees also said that they not only could of, but should of saved the marriage they were previously in. In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we believe that marriage is between a man and woman and that when we marry, if in the temple, we make sacred covenants with each other to do all we can to stay together. There are two different marriages that have significant differences:
Contract Marriage- This where two people come together and meet in the middle to "complete" each other such as a 50-50 marriage.
Covenant Marriage- This is where two people make a promise to both give their 100% to the other and to God, no matter what the other one does; as they do so, they will come closer together, as they come closer to God. The two people rather than "completing" each other, they make each other whole.
My wife, Ashley, and I made a covenant with each other and to God that we would honor for the rest of eternity. We believe that marriage isn't just for this life, but for the next also. But why is a covenant more important than a contract?
A covenant makes us more committed to each other and to God. We are accountable for our actions and deeds. We are accountable for how we treat each other. Spencer W. Kimbal, who was then Prophet of the Church, said that " it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price." They must be commited to God and to each other to make it work. Change and love should always prevail in the relationship.
There are six stations of divorce:
1. Emotional Divorce- Im not interested in my partners well being.
2. Legal Divorce- Judge gives document that says no longer married.
3. Economic Divorce-($25,000 legal fees) Total Cost ($125,000 is total fees)
4. Co-Parental Divorce- Divide everything between eachother with children (hard)
5. Community Divorce- Couple friends. . . its awkward. Who are you loyal to? it divdes the community.
6. Psychic Divorce
Now divorce has a significant role and is usually the cause of blended families. A blended family is a "his, hers, and ours" family. Although it may seem like a simple idea of puting families together like that, it is a lot more difficult than it appears even in movies. When a parent remarries, the children are mostly affected. It is known among family studies that it takes atleast 2 years for any child to come to a sense of normalcy in the home. I know that it has taken a toll on me. My parents were divorced when I was 16, and both my parents are with new spouses. I don't believe that I will ever come to a "sense of normalcy" mainly because I am not around them; I live on my own. My teacher, who has been in family practice for over 15 years, said that that is quiet normal to see.
So, how can we, as victims of divorced parents, make any sense of all this chaos and feel normal again? I believe that one of the only ways to do that is to start our own families with a sense of determination, forgiveness, love, and support. Although we have had it hard, we can be of great resource to those that are going through similiar circumstances as we once did. There was someone that said once that the only way to be happy is to give back. As we go through experiences that are hard remember that it is challenges that make life interesting; but overcoming them is what makes life meaningful. I testify that that is true. Although I have passed through many experiences that could have kept me in a pit of misery, I chose to pick myself up, look to God and find ways to strengthen myself so that I can help others. I love my wife and I love the Lord. He will help us in our trials. I testify to that.
To read an article on uniting blended families, go to: www.lds.org/ensign/1997/08/uniting-blended-families?lang=eng
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